


Blood On The Swamp

by OnionSenpai



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012), Shrek (Movies)
Genre: Brutal Murder, Crossover, Hatred, Heavy Angst, I REGRET NOTHING, So Wrong It's Right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 09:11:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9484457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnionSenpai/pseuds/OnionSenpai
Summary: Onion-chan has been with Shrek-senpai for many years. All of the sudden, someone threatens their love. Jack Frost. Onion-chan is worried, but Shrek ain't having non of it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> COME AT ME FANGIRLS HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Onion-chan loved Shrek.

 

Shrek loved Onion-chan.

 

Their love was undeniable. They were dependent on each other to live. The power couple of the century, even.

 

It was phenomenal, really. They enjoyed every moment as long as they were together in the swamp. As for Fiona, Onion-chan killed that bitch. And donkey was brewed into a delicious stew. And Fiona's children? Those motherfuckers tasted flame. 

 

And Shrek didn't mind. Nobody knew, but it was believed their layers in common caused them to abandon their previous lives to be with each other. Shrek had a story as old as time, but Onion-chan faced difficulties in her lifetime. Living in the farm fields in the middle of nowhere was boring, and she was constantly made fun of by the high-and-mighty sunflowers glaring down at her. But Onion-chan stood high. There was so little to look forward to- Until Shrek-senpai picked her up, for the sake of an analogy to what would be a future meal.

 

When Onion-chan felt Shrek's strong hands hold her, she felt purpose in life. She was...shrekless. Shreklessly in love, caught in a spiral of ogre-goodness ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

After Shrek had finally finished his story with the last movie, Onion-chan swooped back in for the kill. She wooed Shrek with her layers, and made Fiona see them on purpose. Fiona was outraged, and Shrek just stood there, because he didn't want to give up them sweet sweet layers so easily. 

 

It was then that Onion-chan pulled out a gun and shot Fiona in the legs so she couldn't run. As she screamed in agony calling for Shrek (who was just standing and watching), Onion-chan dosed her in gasoline, which prohibited her vision. Winking at Shrek, she pulled out a match and...

 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhHAAAHAaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaH OHHHH MY GOdd SHrEK HELP ME AHAHAH AHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Fiona rolled around frantically in pain as she burnt to a crisp.

 

Onion-chan slit the burnt Fiona's throat and drank the blood, pouring like a majestic red waterfall. Wiping the blood off her face, she turned around and gazed longingly at Shrek.

 

And as fairy tales are told, they lived happily ever after...so far.

 

It was a normal day on the swamp when Onion-chan felt a frigid breeze waft through the air. She turned around and heard...laughter.

 

There were two teenagers standing on the edge of the swamp. One was a boy with white hair and and deep blue eyes. He was holding a staff and wearing a blue hoodie and some fucking homeless-looking pants. Hugging him was a girl with light brown hair and brown eyes. She was wearing a blue dress that flowed like silk. And onion-chan? She wanted to rip it to shreds.

 

Shrek was out, so onion-chan figured she'd make dinner. Grabbing a kitchen knife and a pistol, she walked outside.

 

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone lived here-" Onion-chan ran up and stabbed the girl in her chest twice. She fell to the ground coughing up blood. It shimmered on the swamp floor like a gooey mess of melted cherry Popsicle. Yummy. 

 

Tears formed in the boy's eyes as he grabbed her and tried to restore her life. The boy begged for mercy, but onion-chan responded by killing the girl with a final blow to the head with her pistol. The boy mourned in tears until he stared up at onion-chan, dead serious.

 

"My name is Jack Frost. You just killed the love of my life. I will avenge her or die trying." The boy stood up, ready to fight.

 

"Okay." Onion-chan stabbed him once in the kidney, but he kept moving.

 

"YOU WON'T WIN!" He screamed, conjuring ice powers to attack Onion-chan.

 

The blood was pouring faster from his kidney now, but he didn't seem to care. Taking all his strength, he sent a blast of ice at Onion-chan, catching her in the side.

 

She broke free, but had torn some of her layers. She was so devastated, she didn't notice who was upon her.

 

Onion-chan had never lost a fight. She never thought she would. But it seemed her time was up. She lost to a hero. Closing her eyes, she knew she'd see Shrek again.

 

And she did.

 

Just when Jack was about to deliver the finishing blow, Shrek grabbed him by the throat and broke his lame stick-thing.

 

Shrek and Onion-chan chuckled, trying to decide what to do with him.

 

They stuffed him in a dead tree and tied him up in there. They tied the tree over some stagnant water and force fed him until he had severe diarrhea. 

 

He stood there sick in a pile of his own shit for days as it attracted bugs and other animals. It only got worse as the started to nest inside his skin and laid eggs. He finally died of disease after suffering for days.

 

And the happily ever after was restored. 

**Author's Note:**

> the method of Jack Frost's death is a process of execution called Scaphism. It's pretty freaky.


End file.
